This week, I changed my sleep/work schedule to match Austin’s. We go to bed at 10 PM, wake up at 5:30 AM, work from 6:30-3:00. I enjoy getting out of work early, and while I’m used to staying up past midnight, 10 PM isn’t so bad.
But with this new schedule, I have to spend 3:30-5:30 pm writing instead of my usual 10 pm – midnight. This is jarring, as I’m most creative at night. And who wants to write when they just got home from work? On top of that, this week has been busy with social outings, so I haven’t accomplished much writing or revising at all. I feel so lazy, so behind. Behind what? A self-set deadline? I’m not self-publishing and I’m not starving, so do deadlines really matter?
Yes. To me they do. I’m a type-A outliner organizer. I set deadlines and I intend to stick to them! At least loosely! I’m very future-minded and I get impatient for things to come. For that, I feel like I should always be pushing towards that future. Little steps, every day.
Last night, Austin and I attended his mother’s birthday party. Which was fun, great food, etc. But once 7:00 passed:
- Me: I really ought to go home soon, or else I won’t accomplish anything today…
- Austin’s Mom: You’re here with family! You accomplished a birthday party and dinner and cake! What else more is there to accomplish?
Finishing my revisions of chapter six, ideally.
Yes, I know it’s probably weird and wrong and maybe even rude to my friends and family, but I feel guilty about being social when it’s in lieu of 1) writing or 2) doing chores/running errands. Getting my oil changed is an accomplishment. Doing my laundry is an accomplishment. Writing a chapter is an accomplishment. These are not grandiose feats that deserve fanfare, but if I was to write down a “Things I Did Today” list, it would be entirely chores and art. And if that list is empty, I feel bad.
Believe me, I take plenty of breaks. I procrastinate. I nap. I sit around eating candy. I blog, ha! So I’m not a perfect machine that’s always getting stuff done. But I shouldn’t squander the few productive hours I do have. I mentally allot time for napping and tomfoolery, but when I say “alright. 9 PM – 10PM is when I write” and then I…don’t? Or can’t? Not cool.
So, it’ll take some getting used to. And some shut-in time where no one can drag me out of the house. But since I’m traveling to Texas for a wedding this weekend, it’ll be a few days before I can do that. Guess I’ll just have to write on the plane!