Yes, I am feeling stretched thin from my various hats. I’m currently operating FIVE different Twitter accounts. Five! Two for my self-publishing pen names, one for my video company, one for Indie MoCap, and one for myself.
And goodness knows, I already had some alarming crossovers between them in which Twitter decided to auto-follow a bunch of business contacts and personal acquaintances under one of my erotica pen names. That’s a literal nightmare, right there. D:
Part of me wishes I could throw myself into just one thing. But I did that for two years after leaving college and was pretty unsatisfied with the results. On one hand, I don’t believe any of these endeavors will truly soar unless I give 110% of my time to them. On the other hand, slowly building a foundation for all of them will at least tell me what’s worth my time and what I enjoy doing the most. So I will continue spinning all these plates. Hey, at least I’m not bored!
On to last week. It was actually pretty productive.
- The Shadow of Saturn: I think I wrote 3000 words. I’m up to about 45,000 words now total, or halfway through the draft. And that’s worth cheering about, but writing the other 45,000 words in two weeks is, frankly, impossible. That’s about 3200 words a day. I’ve done it before, but it was not fun. It would particularly leave no time for anything else. So I think I may stretch my goal into May. While this is a bummer, I gave each of my first drafts a buffer month when I originally designed my yearly schedule, so this might not actually put me behind. If I could get to 60,000 by the end of April, I would be on track.
- Paradisa Edits: Oh…Paradisa. The friend that’s overstayed its welcome. I know that if I just looked at the draft I would want to work on it, but I haven’t made it that far yet. I really ought to start though, as I plan on writing the sequel in June.
- Kindle Publishing: I published my second book….to absolutely 0 sales. Quite the opposite reaction that my other pen name had! It seems fantasy/sci-fi may perform better than more run-of-the-mill taboo stories. My keyword rankings aren’t bad, but no one is even checking it out on KU. Perhaps it seems too generic? Additionally, I decided to shelve progress on the Con Runner’s Handbook and instead make a Charleston guidebook called Charleston Underground. It seemed more marketable. I’ve been backburner brainstorming it for a few weeks, so it will hopefully be ready for launch around December.
- Short Stories: I made an honest effort at writing two different short stories yesterday and neither one would come out. I decided to put one to bed, while the other needed more research. I still desperately want to write it, but I was searching for the right angle. After doing a lot of research on Cecil B Demille, I think I found that angle. I believe I have until June to finish it, so it can stew for a bit.
- Indie MoCap: I was 2/5 this week. Bah. Well, at least I’m updating it semi-regularly. I wanted to kickstart my YouTube channel and enter a contest to win some mocap gear, but that will have to be this week.
- Video Company: This was my main focus and probably the most exciting part of my week. I finished Starlite’s featurette and published it on my newly launched website, Aether Motion! I ordered business cards, which look fantastic. I attended the Taste of Goose Creek and will publish a featurette of that this week. And I have already had offers for additional work based on my Starlite coverage. Yay! At this point, it is very scary because I don’t have a lot to show for my skills, but I’m filming absolutely everything and hoping to fill up my website with content by the end of the summer.
- Animation/Fallout webseries: I worked a bit more on my 3Ds Max modeling tutorial. I flipped through Nexus Mods, looking for mods that could make my life easier. I also started to feel overwhelmed by the insurmountable amount of work this project is going to take. I had to talk myself down from the ledge a bit and remember that 1) Bethesda and the modding community have done most of the work for me when it comes to 3D assets, so 90% of the work is already done for me; 2) Animation will be assisted by mocap, so I don’t need to be an expert animator; 3) The community of artists in Fallout fandom is immense, and they can help me with the stuff I’m bad at. But MOST IMPORTANTLY?
It all starts with story. So I reminded myself that story is the foundation of everything, and story is the fraction I am most responsible for. It is the part I am most qualified to tackled. With this in mind, I returned to the story and worked a little more on shaping my outline. It reinforced my confidence, a bit, to ground myself in an area that I am familiar with. And it excited me again, because I was reminded how vivid and dramatic this story is, and how it’s bursting at the seams to be told. All this modeling stuff is a little overwhelming, but it shouldn’t have to be. Because at the end of it, I’m not going to need to be a master 3D modeler. This is a project of delegation. Perhaps if I put everything out there and no one wants to help me, then I can get worried. But Fallout fandom has produced some pretty amazing things out of volunteer teams before, from the Nuka Break webseries to some full conversion mods. I need to orient myself into the role of writer and showrunner and leave the technical stuff to people much smarter than me.
So, I suppose there’s a bit of advice on how to cope with performance anxiety. I have to tell myself to stop. worrying. about stuff that hasn’t happened yet. To stop thinking ahead to what if everyone hates this?! when this hasn’t even been written yet. It’s something all creative people have to deal with, I’m sure. Whether you’re a filmmaker, a writer, an artist, or a musician, we all question how capable or possible our dreams are. And when you’re managing your project with other people involved, it is tempting to micromanage. I am micromanaging people who I haven’t even met yet!
This week, I’m attending the North Charleston Business Expo and will hopefully bump shoulders with some future clients. We’ve got a work party on Wednesday, so that night will be unproductive. This weekend, I’m attending the Strawberry Festival and likely the North Charleston Arts Reception, so that’s two opportunities for filming. I also hope to
- edit and put up my Taste of Goose Creek reel
- finally look at my Paradisa edits
- write about 7000 words of The Shadow of Saturn
- enter the mocap gear contest
- start my Indie MoCap YouTube channel
- write my third Kindle short
- finish that 3ds Max tutorial
Have a good week, ya’ll!